Cosmic Transformations

A Capricorn’s Guide to the Board Room

Hi, I’m a Capricorn

Astrology and I go way back. When the world flips upside down (as it has lately), I don’t look for logic—I call an old friend who lies to me nicely: my horoscope. I’m not Nancy-Reagan obsessed, but I’ve definitely leaned on the stars when the ground gave out. Still, I never once brought it up while clawing my way through corporate hell.

Even now, in the age of TikTok astrologers and viral birth chart memes, it’s not exactly boardroom conversation. Bring up Pluto’s influence on your performance review, and watch half the room cling to their data dashboards like holy relics. Meanwhile, I’ve been slogging through a karmic swamp as a Capricorn for what feels like forever—but allegedly, my sentence is up. This year, I’m supposed to be reborn: wiser, sharper, and ready to make some power moves. Even the stars agree it’s about time Capricorns caught a break.

This “end of a karmic cycle” thing is a big deal for Capricorns in corporate hell. For 15 years, we’ve been trapped in an infinite corporate escape room—solve one crisis, and three more pop up, all while some overpaid consultant insists the real problem is our “mindset.” (Only in corporate hell would you hand over your best ideas… and then get billed six figures to see them in a blue-sky synergy deck.)

We’ve done the unglamorous work, climbed the mountains, and navigated office politics like contestants on a never-ending game show. But now that it’s 2025, the uphill climb shifts. The universe just sent a company-wide email:

Effective immediately, Capricorns are no longer the department workhorses. Please direct all unnecessary requests to Gemini or Libra.

It’s about damn time, as Lizzo would say. We deserve it!

Maybe this shift means sitting in meetings and feeling strangely indifferent to the so-called “urgent” requests that aren’t actually urgent. Maybe it means realizing you no longer feel obligated to take on every pointless project. You start noticing that office drama washes over you instead of dragging you under. It’s like shedding an old corporate skin—the stress of always having to prove yourself starts to fade, and you step into a space where you’re not just playing the game anymore—you’re deciding whether it’s even worth playing.

And this isn’t some short-lived moment of relief. With Pluto moving into Aquarius, we’re stepping into a 20-year cycle. The work won’t stop, but it won’t be the same kind of uphill battle. The focus shifts—less about relentless, solitary effort, more about influence, innovation, and a kind of authority that comes from knowing exactly what you bring to the table.

The best part

This isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about fully owning who you’ve always been. Capricorns are built for the art of the long view, and after years of breaking our backs in the trenches, this moment feels like getting promoted by the universe itself.

Whether you believe in astrology or not, the message still holds: something is shifting. Recognizing that shift—whether you call it cosmic or just long-overdue perspective—changes everything. So, here’s to wrapping up the 15-year karmic slog and stepping into a new era—one that will last 20 years, giving you time to make your mark and actually enjoy the view from the top.

Or at the very least, take a break from being the office pack mule. I’m 100% pro-science. I’m also 100% done pretending logic alone can explain corporate hell. If the universe wants to send a memo, I’m reading it.

So, Bitches, what’s your sign?